By Cho Chua
Introduction
“How do you hold space for the lyrics of Defying Gravity?” was a famous meme going around on the internet for the latter end of 2024. Admittedly, I was one of the many people who laughed at the interview between Ariana Grande and Cynthia Ervivo, especially as the queer theatre kid I was (or am). However, I quickly learned that the term “holding space” actually comes from therapy terminology. This surprised me as I’ve never heard the term before. This post is to talk about what it means to hold space in therapy, and why clients benefit from the power of holding space, whether for the lyrics of a song or the emotions someone feels.
Holding Space?
Holding space is defined as a practice of making space for someone to fully express themselves and their experiences without judgement. It was founded by Canadian writer Heather Plett, who wrote in a blog post roughly ten years ago, about holding space being a way to walk alongside someone else in their unique journey. To hold space for someone, you need to be fully present without distractions, empathize, listen attentively, and be accepting and non-judging towards the other person. It’s important for the listener to not try to talk over or even to fix the other person’s problems here, but to be with them in the moment.
Sound familiar? If you’re thinking, gosh this kinda sounds like therapy- it is! For folks who haven’t experienced therapy like this, this is what therapy can look like. The idea of holding space is rooted in a type of humanistic-experiential therapy approach called Person-Centered Therapy by Carl Rogers. In Person-Centered Therapy, the client is the expert, not the therapist, and the role of the therapist is more like a guide and companion for the client as they explore their unfiltered thoughts in session. It’s a different approach to a lot of popular, structured types of therapy, such as Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, where there’s a certain task provided by the therapist and homework to practice the techniques used. However, other forms of therapy to an extent also allow the therapist to hold space. Therapy, at its core, is about affirming a person’s experience, beliefs, thoughts, and feelings, and helping them move toward their own goals.
So what does holding space look like in a therapy session, then? Well, imagine you’re in a session with a therapist and you just let yourself talk. No policing of your words, no thinking “I’m gonna be mean when I say this but..”- just pure, uncensored talk about what you’re feeling and thinking. A therapist that effectively holds space for you explores how you feel about the topic, how it feels in your body. The therapist won’t be completely silent, after all it is a dialogue between two people, but they won’t try to act as someone who knows better than you. They’re not a specialist in the room, just another person sitting there and being with you as you explore your insights and journey. You can share laughter, pain, anger, and all the emotions out there, but you get to feel it without criticism. I’m a huge fan of holding space, simply because where else can a person sit there and just be?
Conclusion
So I’m going to grab your pointer finger, literally and metaphorically, when I tell you this, but you can hold space for yourself and for others. I’ve learned from my journey that sometimes, even in pain, people simply just want others to be there and acknowledge their pain without jumping to find the cure. It’s a powerful experience to be with someone, or even look in a mirror, and accept, just as they (or you) are, messiness, tears, joy and all.
So, dear reader, how would you like to hold space today?
