By Julie Broczkowski
Introduction
Has a counsellor ever suggested mindfulness, only for your brain to immediately picture someone sitting cross-legged in perfect silence, totally at peace? And then, maybe, your next thought was: “There’s no way I can do that.”
That image of being calm, still, thought-free might seem like the gold standard. But it’s actually a myth. Mindfulness isn’t about becoming thoughtless or perfectly serene. And it definitely doesn’t require hours of sitting still with your eyes closed.
This is an extremely common misconception. Meditation is only one small sliver of the wide and varied practice of mindfulness.
Being Distracted: Failure or Opportunity?
The goal of mindfulness, including meditation, is simply to do it. It’s the practice, not the performance, that is important.
There is no other measure of success or failure. If we show up and do mindfulness, we have gotten it right. Mindfulness is not a specific activity you are good or bad at—it is the practice of paying attention.
Being distracted is not a failure. In fact, distraction is an opportunity to practice bringing our attention back to whatever we are being mindful of.
These distractions are just thoughts. They show up, and they can move on as well. Just because a thought arrives doesn’t mean we need to engage with it. We can picture these thoughts as leaves floating along a stream, or clouds moving across the sky. We notice them without attaching judgment or emotion.
Mindfulness Is Not Just One Thing
Luckily, there are many ways to practice mindfulness. The best kind of mindfulness practice is the one you will actually do on a regular basis.
If traditional quiet sitting meditation with closed eyes feels good for you, that’s a wonderful practice to cultivate. But there are also ways to meditate that feel less restrictive.
Your mindfulness practice is your own. Showing up is success, even if you don’t follow every step in a guided exercise. Sitting quietly and sitting completely still are not the same thing. Sometimes a small movement helps us relax. You can move as you need to. You can also keep your eyes open if that feels more comfortable, safe, or less distracting.
Mindfulness also doesn’t need to involve sitting still at all. For example:
Walking: Pay attention to the sensation of each foot hitting the ground, notice all the red things you see, or count the steps between light poles.
Writing with your non-dominant hand: The extra effort required to form each letter keeps you mindful of the process, rather than letting your brain drift into autopilot.
The goal is to stay in the moment, instead of focusing on the past or future.
Reframing Mindfulness
But what if we try mindfulness and we hate it? It’s worth asking:
– Do we dislike it because we feel like we’re failing?
– Do we genuinely not enjoy it?
– Or are we expecting to enjoy it in the moment?
Sometimes, it might just be a thing we do, like brushing our teeth. I don’t necessarily enjoy brushing my teeth, but I feel much better when I do it consistently.
An Analogy: Mindfulness and Golf
Here’s one way to think about mindfulness if you feel like you’re “bad” at it:
Technically, the goal of golf is to get a hole in one. But when we play golf for the first time, we don’t expect that. Some people golf for decades without ever getting one. And yet, there are still so many benefits: physical activity, fresh air, camaraderie, and a sense of accomplishment.
Mindfulness works the same way. You don’t need the “hole in one” of a thought-free mind. Simply practicing brings lasting benefits: lower stress, improved focus, and greater emotional balance.
Just Try It!
With mindfulness, consistency matters more than duration or “getting it right.”
This week, try one of the walking or writing practices described above. Or, if that doesn’t resonate, here are some resources with other kinds of mindfulness exercises:
Autistic and Neurodivergent-Friendly Mindfulness Practices
23 Meditation Techniques: A Beginner’s Guide
Remember: success is in the showing up.
