Attachment Theory and Healing from Attachment Trauma as a 2SLGBTQ+ Person:
Healing from Attachment Trauma as a 2SLGBTQ+ Person: Understanding and Reconnecting
Have you ever wondered how your early relationships shape you now? If you’re part of the 2SLGBTQ+ community, those attachment dynamics might feel even more complex. That’s because societal pressures, identity development, and rejection can layer onto the attachment experiences you had growing up. But there’s good news: with understanding and the right support, healing from attachment trauma is entirely possible.
What is Attachment Theory?
Attachment theory, initially developed by John Bowlby and later expanded by Mary Ainsworth, explores how our early relationships with caregivers influence how we connect with others as adults. These early experiences shape “attachment styles” that guide how we feel about trust, closeness, and safety in relationships.
The Four Attachment Styles:
Secure Attachment: You feel comfortable with emotional closeness, able to trust others and build healthy relationships.
Anxious Attachment: You may find yourself worrying about abandonment or seeking constant reassurance from those around you.
Avoidant Attachment: You might prefer emotional distance, finding it challenging to rely on or get close to others.
Disorganized Attachment: A mix of anxious and avoidant tendencies, this style often comes from unresolved trauma, making relationships feel unpredictable or unsafe.
The Fluidity of Attachment in Relationships
One of the things I’ve found comforting in my own journey—and something that’s often overlooked—is that attachment styles can shift. We aren’t stuck in one pattern forever. Just as our identities as 2SLGBTQ+ individuals can evolve, so can our attachment styles. In healthy relationships—whether they’re romantic, platonic, or even therapeutic—we can move from insecure attachment toward more secure connections.
For example, you might start a relationship with an anxious attachment style but, over time, with a supportive partner or therapist, begin to feel more secure. It’s not about erasing the past, but about learning how to feel safe again while honouring past experiences.
How Attachment Trauma Uniquely Affects 2SLGBTQ+ Individuals
If you’ve grown up in environments where your identity wasn’t fully accepted, attachment trauma can feel especially intense. As 2SLGBTQ+ folks, many of us experience rejection or fear of abandonment not just because of personal conflicts, but because of who we are. This can make trusting others more difficult, and it often affects the way we form relationships as adults.
For instance, if you’ve experienced rejection from family or friends when coming into your identity, it might be difficult to fully trust that future relationships will be any different. You may find yourself in a constant state of hyper-vigilance, always wondering if someone will be different, once they really ‘know’ you. Or, like many of us, you might guard yourself and avoid getting too close, fearing that vulnerability will lead to hurt.
But the truth is that healing is possible, and your attachment style doesn’t define you.
Healing from Attachment Trauma with Therapy
At Rainbow Counselling, we offer personalized, affirming therapy to help you heal from attachment trauma in a way that works for you. No two people’s journeys are alike, and our therapists work to tailor their approach to fit your needs. We often incorporate Internal Family Systems (IFS), Relational Therapy, and Trauma Therapy in our work with clients.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) allows you to connect with the different parts of yourself—like the part of you that feels anxious about being abandoned, or the part that is afraid to get too close. By building a compassionate relationship with these parts, you can move toward greater security in your relationships.
Relational Therapy helps you explore and heal your relationship patterns. For 2SLGBTQ+ individuals, this might mean rebuilding trust, practicing vulnerability, and understanding how your identity shapes your connections.
Trauma Therapy focuses on the emotional impact of past experiences. If you’ve been through rejection, bullying, or trauma around your identity, this approach creates a safe space to process those memories and begin to heal.
What’s important is that we take a holistic view of healing. Our therapists don’t just apply one-size-fits-all methods. Instead, we work collaboratively with you to discover the approaches that feel most aligned with who you are and your unique journey.
Your Attachment Style Isn’t Forever—It Can Change
One of the most powerful things to remember is that attachment styles aren’t fixed. Whether you find yourself feeling anxious, avoidant, or even disorganized, therapy can help you experience healthier, more secure relationships. Healing from attachment trauma is about reconnecting with yourself and learning how to feel safe in your body and your relationships again.
Ready to Begin Your Healing Journey?
If you're ready to start healing from attachment trauma, we invite you to book a free 15-minute consultation to chat with one of our therapists and see how Rainbow Counselling can support you in creating more fulfilling relationships—both with yourself and others.
